Today I retired my first Journal.
I haven’t always been the person to journal through my time with the Lord. Evidence of this is found just in the first page — the date reads November 2013. The pages are filled with questions, gaps of time, failures, but most of all Gods faithfulness.
In that same page from 2013 part of my prayer reads “continue to mold me into a better image of you — let me find full satisfaction in you”. Later parts have a similar theme, “give me an opportunity to trust in you more — to find further joy in you alone” — However, this line from 2015 gets me “Let my satisfaction, my cup, & my portion be only in you”.
There are missed days after that…
Even though the earlier parts of this journal are inconsistent at best, the one whom these words are written too isn’t. He has been faithful, good, and merciful.
In the latter half of this journal things pick up a bit. God has answered that prayer in 2015 with the opportunity to trust in Him more. Currently raising support for ministry, for my family the truth that He is our satisfaction and only portion forever is the only thing I can stand on. It’s all I have. The scribbles, also known as my handwriting, tell this story of struggle and growth. Amidst cries of questions and pleads for help there is scripture after scripture. Each one providing just enough light to take another step.
I am reminded by these past prayers of how the Lord continues to move — despite my inaction at times. This is crucial when so many times I find myself doubting, questioning, and even — dare I say — believing that He can’t hear me. Maybe I misheard, it shouldn’t be this hard right?!
Wrong. Sometimes when a sculptor is working on his art he uses sandpaper, but in the beginning it is a chisel. This is just the beginning. I am only now beginning to experience the satisfaction found in the giver of life. And although painful at times, the joy that comes from abiding in Christ is far greater than I can even begin to describe.
When this begins to happen, as the old hymn says, “the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glorious grace.”
This isn’t a default setting for anyone, but being able to look back and see what has been done is invaluable. It gives us confidence that He is moving. Maybe it’s just me but I find it really easy to forget. To forget how he has moved and how he is moving. This small journal helps me not to forget.
I would encourage anyone to start working this into your time with the Lord. Even if you have to skip a few pages because the last time you tried was 3 years ago… just me?
Grab a Moleskin and a Sharpie pen (those are the only tools for the job) and get to it!
It is amazing what happens when you reflect on the glory of God and remember what He has done. The confidence to move boldly and stand firm on His promises is unparalleled when you inevitably come to a time of questioning.